i think of romantic ideas and feel far away. hard to resist.
i’ve habits of half assed commitments. vague & brutal intentions.
this is my adjustment period.
‘don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.’ i think that’s an impossible idea. i have Joy, I know God and so, i’ll always have hope. But my happiness, my giddiness, my laughter has always been rooted in people. we make each other tick, i think we were designed that way. designed to love. and i know and you know, that people are something that can be lost. i’m scared. of being abruptly without.
i don’t know. i’m an infant with my emotions. bouncing from high to low, from EXCITEMENT to anxiety. i go from thinking about all the ways something to go wrong, to how everything may just…fall…into…place.
really, this is stupid. because i’m happy. and i’m doing this. and it’s not as though i ever had a choice in this. this is good. i’m hopeful.
God is Love.